Twice a year—on St. Patrick's Day and SantaCon—we're reminded not that "hell is other people," but more specifically, that hell is other people in the form of wasted bros careening through our streets, or if you're bold enough to enter a bar, elbowing and spilling beer all over you. This year, we think we can do better. In the interest of avoiding the annual melee and doing our imbibing with at least a little dignity, we've rounded up apartments on the market with home bars fit for a party—one that's strictly invite-only. Suspender-wearing, self-important bartender mercifully not included.

Granted, the mind-melting psychedelic-neon-tiki vibe of this Brighton Beach home bar is more suited to a batch of Mai Tais than a few pints of Guinness. But if you can afford a $7.99 million seaside mansion, we're pretty sure you can get away with throwing whatever kind of weird St. Patrick's Day party you want.

One easy way to justify dropping $42 million on a single apartment? No one would ever turn down an invite to a party at the penthouse of a building called the Grand Millenium, especially not with panoramic views, a double-sided fireplace, and a sleek stone-and-wood bar all in the same room. From this high up, the out-of-towners vomiting in the streets will look like (drunk) ants.

It's hard to pick just one stand-out feature of Bed-Stuy's historic, $6 million Moran mansion, but if you twisted our arms, we'd probably point to the elaborate wooden bar on the basement level—complete with antique cash register. It's on the same level as the entrance to the spacious backyard, meaning you can fix yourself a cocktail—up to you if it's green or not—and enjoy it outdoors (and in peace).

One (relatively) affordable option: this $2.495 million Upper East Side 2-bedroom, that comes with a glass mosaic bar just big enough to fit all your favorite cocktail ingredients. In other words, no Schnapps, Fireball, or Bailey's in sight.

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